I finally put new sheet music on my Kerby Music website: Love is the Key. It’s a solo that I wrote in 2014 and performed for a Stake Musical Fireside with the same name. Though the song meant a lot to me then, I had no idea how much it would help me get through the next very difficult years of separation and divorce. I think it was evidence that God knew what I needed – to stay focused on keeping love in my heart, despite the difficult circumstances that were ahead. I’ve learned a lot and I’m so grateful for the gift of love.
Last Sunday, I attended a fireside with speaker Kevin Clayson. He talked about his divorce and his path that led to the wonderful marriage he is enjoying now. His talk was inspiring to me. He said that after his divorce he could see down two very different roads. One was paved with anger, frustration and even revenge, while the other was a path of forgiveness, warmth and unconditional love. He took the path of forgiveness and love and ultimately it led him to the life he is enjoying now. He is now an inspired motivational speaker and author and just wrote a book called Flip the Gratitude Switch. I can hardly wait to read it. He talked about how love helped him to become the kind of person that attracted the women of his dreams into his life that he is now married to.
I know that love is that powerful. Love has been the key to helping me feel peace in the midst of trial and adversity. Throughout my whole marriage, I learned how to find God, love others, and be grateful. It was always those things that helped me to be happy in whatever circumstances I was in. Without all the things I’ve learned, I don’t know how I would have gotten through the difficulties of divorce, court and everything else I’ve been through these last couple of years. I’ve been so grateful for the path I chose to love unconditionally. It’s been the key to my happiness.
Before I got divorced, I had wanted to share my songs and experiences that have helped me to learn how to love unconditionally. It wasn’t an easy road but it was invaluable in helping me to have hope, stay positive and be able to feel peace no matter what situation I was in. Before I got divorced, I was learning about differences in perception and how easy it was to misjudge people and misunderstand them. I was learning how to love in a deeper way than I ever had before. I realized that if people could understand the things I was learning, it had the potential to save marriages, help with difficult relationships and help people be happier generally understanding each other better. After I got divorced, I worried that no one would want to hear from me. Why would anyone want to learn how to save their relationships, when I couldn’t even save my own marriage?
It was the adversary that was keeping me in that thinking pattern. Of course he wouldn’t want me to share the things I had learned. He wants us to go down the path of anger, resentment and contempt. My message is about love and choosing to love no matter how difficult the circumstance. I would never have learned the concepts that have changed my life except for going through the experiences I did and choosing to love unconditionally. I want others to benefit from what I’ve learned and to have more successful experiences than my own. I know it’s a lot easier to love people when you understand where they are coming from. The concepts I’ve learned can help with that, and it’s exciting to think what could happen when some of those barriers come down and we stop having to protect ourselves all the time.
I feel happy not having any of those barriers. Despite my divorce, I know that God still loves me and has a plan for me. He is helping me to share this message. I’ve had amazing miracles happen and I have had the opportunity to attend workshops, receive mentoring and opportunities to learn from amazing people like Tammy Anderson Ward, Gerald Rogers, Kirk Duncan and others. I’ve learned how to help others and how to be a good mentor and speaker. I’m excited to share the things I’ve learned. I no longer feel afraid and I’m excited to share my message with others.
My first introductory class is called “Tuning into Happiness”. It will introduce the main concepts that have helped me to love unconditionally. I’ll follow that with a class on relationships and how to understand opposite perceptions. I’m really excited about that one. It will help explain the differences in perception and unlock some secrets into understanding those hard-to-understand people in your life. You might be surprised to find that things you thought were being said to be rude, were actually meant to be kind and respectful. Understanding these differences and intentions, when coupled with the desire to love can change your life forever. It certainly has for me. I genuinely love people. I hope to inspire others to feel the same joy, peace and happiness that I’ve felt despite the difficult circumstances that have come.
I’m also excited to share my music again. Music is still a big part of my mission and purpose in life. It’s helped me to become the person God wants me to be. I want to share the songs that have helped me so that they can help others along the way. I’m also planning to do personal mentoring sessions with others and write personal songs for the clients I work with. How would you like to have a personal song written just for you to help get you through whatever trial you’re dealing with at the time? I’m excited to write those songs. It will be fun to see where life takes me. I hope you’ll follow me on the journey and take courage to follow your own promptings and impressions. Choosing to love may not always be the easiest road, but it’s SO worth it in the end! It’s the door to true happiness and Love is the key!
It’s always a little scary to do something new, but when it’s something you’ve been dreaming about and wanting for most of your life… I think it’s okay to be a little scared – as long as you still do what you’ve been dreaming about all along.
It’s been amazing to me all the things that have happened that are making this dream possible. Some of the things I’ve experienced have not exactly been positive – like getting divorced, having my kids be away from me every other week, having to leave the fruits of my home, having my parents gone on a mission while all of this was happening, having seizures, and not being able to drive, dealing with the court system and worrying about money, trying to find and keep jobs, when all I really want was to be able to stay home with my children. There’s been so many hard challenges and things that that have happened that you would wonder how anything good could ever come out of it.
At the same time, I’ve had so many blessings and help from people than I ever could have possibly imagined. God has been working through others to help take care of me, send me love and offer assistance in so many ways that I have needed. Neighbors have kindly given me a home in their basement to live in. They have become my parents, while mine have been away and I will forever be indebted to them! Church members have cared for me and offered me rides and assistance when I was having my seizures and couldn’t take care of myself. So much love was offered when I couldn’t drive and needed so much help from others. My parents were able to Skype with me and help me emotionally as I needed them. My son has been well and happy on his mission. I’m building back trust with my children after a divorce, and things are starting to get a little better. I was given scholarships that allowed me to meet amazing people and receive mentoring that has helped me rediscover who I am. God has been taking care of me financially through jobs and others that he has brought me into contact with. I am making friends with other singles and know there is still hope of future happiness. The greatest blessing is that God is whispering that it’s okay to start sharing my music. It’s finally becoming that “season”.
I remember feeling the call to share my music earlier, but the whispering I kept getting from the spirit was that it wasn’t time yet. I needed to keep my focus on my children. It was frustrating then, I thought I could do both. How grateful I am that I listened and waited. With everything I experienced in the court system, it’s very possible that I might have lost custody of my children had I ignored the prompting. No one can dispute the fact that I was a vigilant, loving mother. My children have always been my priority, and they will continue to be.
I shared my “Beauty Queen” song on a live video on my Facebook page. People liked it and it gave me some courage that it would be okay to start sharing. I feel God’s hand directing my path. He’s got some plan for me, though I’m not exactly sure what it is yet. I was talking with some of my singer/songwriter friends that I used to perform with when my children were very young. We are all in the same type of place, feeling the call to share our music.
We’ve decided to start an inspirational music podcast. We’re going to do it on Facebook live. I’m so excited about it. I’ve always loved performing and sharing the stories behind my songs. It’s even more fun to do it with friends. I think people will like it.
It’s 6:00 a.m. Christmas morning. It’s quiet and for the first time in over 20 years, I do not have the excitement of children waking me up to open presents Christmas morning.
My children get to spend Christmas with their dad this year. It’s very different, and I’m not used to being alone.
Even growing up, there were always children around. I am the oldest of 11 and my house was always loud and full of people. Last night I was invited to spend Christmas Eve with a family in my neighborhood that also has eleven children. It felt like I was back home. I enjoyed spending Christmas Eve in their home. I was grateful I had a place to go.
Last night we watched a short video about the first Christmas. It struck me that there was no place for Mary and Joseph to go. I can only imagine how Joseph and Mary must have felt as they realized that the Savior of the world was going to be born in a stable.
I wonder if they felt, like I have, that maybe they had done something wrong to be in the situation that they were in. If they only knew the significance of having their child being born in a stable. It makes Jesus relatable to any person in any situation. He descended below all, and I believe it was necessary for him to be born there – but how could Mary and Joseph ever have been able to understand that?
I’m sure to Mary and Joseph it was something they could not understand. Why ever would the king of Kings have to be born in a stable?? But it was for a purpose, a purpose they may not have fully understood at the time.
I don’t understand fully why some of the things that have happened to me have happened. I don’t know of any greater purpose for it, and it’s hard not to feel worried that I’ve done something wrong, or that something’s wrong with me that it happened. Thinking about the Christmas story has helped me to think that maybe there’s something else. Maybe a greater purpose that I just can’t see yet. Hopefully I will be someday be able to understand someday.
I am grateful for the Savior of the world and for His blessing to me that humbles, teaches and inspires me to keep going and to be happy. I’m grateful for his atonement and for His love that makes it possible for me to be able to return to live with Him again.
This Christmas won’t be easy, but it doesn’t have to be a bad Christmas either. It will just be different.
I get to talk to my missionary son today. He’s been serving in the Chili Concepcion mission. I’m so excited to talk to him. He gets back in July of next year. It’s getting closer, and I’m excited to have him home again.
Merry Christas everyone! May your Christmas be Merry and Bright!