To write or not to write

Is it possible to not be supposed to write a song?

For over three weeks, I've been trying to write a song that for some reason hasn't wanted to be written. It's interesting to me, because though I can't always guarantee how long it will take me, (a couple of hours to a couple of weeks!) I've usually been able to write a song with the Lord's help.

This time, however, I've been amazed at how I haven't been able to write a song. Every time I've tried to find a quiet time, baby wakes up hungry, child #1 needs something, followed by child #2, #3 (you get the idea...). It hasn't been for a lack of trying, but because of normal every day, "mom" stuff. It even happened after I would pray fervently for the Lord's help. I tried to give him many opportunities to help me, but it never seemed to work out. This isn't the way it usually goes, and I started to wonder if maybe I wasn't supposed to write the song.

Not wanting to misinterpret the spirit. I gave it one more shot. On Saturday morning, it was quiet, and I really thought that I wouldn't be interrupted. If the Lord wanted me to write this song, it seemed like a good time. I prayed that God would help me to use this time effectively and that I would have His spirit to guide me. I also prayed that if I was NOT supposed to write it, that I could just know, in some plain way that I could recognize, so I could know His will, and stop worrying about it.

It wasn't 5 minutes before my older son came down the stairs and said, "Mom, Josh just cracked his head open on the table and he's bleeding all over his head!"

Thankfully, Josh was okay. He had a small cut on the back of his head that was bleeding a lot. It didn't swell up, and he didn't need stitches, but I definitely felt like I'd gotten my answer.

Since that time, (a week ago) I have felt nothing but peace. I feel bad for those that were hoping I would write the song, and the girls that were excited to sing it. But for some reason, I wasn't supposed to write this one. Atleast that's how I'm feeling about it. Instead of the song I was going to write, the girls are going to sing "My Story" from "My Turn on Earth". It's absolutely perfect, and I've reflected on the words more than once as I've thought through the whole experience...

I'm the one that writes my own story,
I decide the person I'll be
What goes in the plot, and what will not
is pretty much up to me....

...This book of mine is very important,
and so someone is waiting right there
to help with my story, He's been there before me
and always as close as a prayer...

I could have written a song. I had a lot of random ideas that I could have put together, but I didn't feel good about any of them. Sometimes I think maybe even though we try to do what the Lord wants us to do, even though the task seems like the right thing, God knows what is needed better than we do. It's not that we're not getting the inspiration, but maybe it's better left undone?

Anyway, thought I'd share. Hopefully another song will come soon, but for now, this question was not to write!

Oquirrh Mountain Temple Celebration

Saturday I had the amazing opportunity to go to the Conference Center and watch the amazing Oquirrh Mountain Temple Celebration. It was an amazing thing. About 7,000 youth participated in song and dance, including my oldest 2 children. They've been practicing for about 2-3 months for this. The costumes were amazing, and the hours and time spent preparing were unimaginable. The performance was great. What was also amazing, was the conference center was FILLED with people. It seats over 21,000 people, and I think it was mostly just filled with the parents and leaders of the youth performing! We were allowed two tickets, but my husband stayed behind to bring all of our children to a nearby church building, to watch the performance through a broadcast there. Both of our parents came there to watch it with them. It was too bad we couldn't all be together, but I was so grateful to see the performance first hand.

The whole performance was considered a culteral celebration, and most of the songs celebrated different time periods of Utah's history, including a celebration of the Armed Forces, and of various countries as well. I was surprised that the temple celebration was mostly of this character, and not so much about the temple or very religious in nature at all. My daughter, Jessica, had invited a non-member friend of hers to watch the performance in the Conference Center, and so I was privileged to sit with her and her mother. It was interesting to watch their reactions. They were very impressed, as I was, at the sheer number of youth, the beautiful costumes, and so many amazing songs and dances performed that must have taken hours and hours to put together. What was most impressive to my non-member friends though, was the simple song arrangement near the end, of our long time favorites, "I Love to See the Temple" and "Families can be together forever". The lyrics were on the screen so that the audience could sing along. These are songs we've been singing since we were kids, and love, but were amazingly powerful. I sat next to another daughter and mother in our ward that lost their dad, a previous bishop and Stake President. We were all weeping at the spirit that confirmed what we know about the temple, and how families can be together forever. My non-member friends on my other side, leaned over to me, and said, "That was beautiful". It truly was beautiful.

This last week or so, I was asked to write another camp song. I've been surprised how I have not been able to find time to write it. My kids have been off-track, and every time I think I have a moment, I've had constant interruptions. I had started wondering if maybe the Lord didn't want me to write this song. After listening to those sweet simple primary songs though, I think I just need to write something more simple and basic. It's nice to be able to write something more complicated and intricate, but it's more amazing to write something simple, and see what happens when the spirit can do His work. I'm just grateful to be one of His instruments here on the earth.

Story of Faith

This last month I had the opportunity to write a song to sing for Relief Society. The topic was on temples, and about the sacrifices that the early Saints made so that they could have one. Here in South Jordan, we are lucky enough to have 2 temples! The Oquirrh Mountain temple is barely being finished and tickets are barely being reserved (it's free) to go and walk through the undedicated temple. Because we live so close, we get to help be the hosts, and help with the celebration and the walk throughs. There is plenty to be done, and it's exciting to have the privilege to help.

Anyway, the Relief Society president gave the lesson, and based it on Jeffery R. Holland's talk, As Doves to our Windows. So I also had this article as a resource. It was a difficult song to write, but I came up with something that I did like. About a week before I was supposed to sing it, I sang it for an LDS Musicians get together that we had, and then again for my mother, 2 great places to get feedback and critique. Both places gave me some great suggestions, which I did use, both of them telling me it needed a 3rd verse. I don't usually write 3 verses. 2 is usually hard enough! But the stories that I used from Elder Holland's talk were both about men and the sacrifices that they made for the temple. The song needed a verse about the women. This was a hard verse to write, but I was so glad that it finally came together, the day before I performed it.

Of course, as I sang the song, I did fine for the first 2 verses, and then as I began the 3rd verse, my emotions became so strong, that I cried. It's something I've done since I used to perform in my home ward. Thankfully, I got past it, and was able to sing the final bridge and chorus without quite so many sniffles. There were tears all around, and I was grateful to have the experience. It helped me to appreciate the blessings of having temples so close to us.

I encourage you to look over the words to the song. You can find the song at: http://www.kerbymusic.org/music.php?sid=97. I am hoping to do another demo of it, and then I'll send out an update soon.

I had a wonderful Mother's Day yesterday. I have the best family and husband in the world when it comes to Mother's Day. My husband makes all my meals, and my kids all make cards and gifts for me all day long. It's so fun. My daughter even gave me an hour long hair massage! What can top that?! I also enjoyed calling my mother and talking to her. She is such a wonderful inspiration to me. I realized that I didn't gain all the experience I have as a mother because I'm the oldest of 11 children, I learned it because my mother taught me how to deal with all my siblings. I gained that wonderful experience as she showed me what to do, how to do, and most of all, how to love, and I love her so much!

Crying over Veggie Tales

Well thankfully, my husband has been employed! We celebrated by going to a dollar movie, and fast food. It's been 6 months since we did that. It hasn't been a horrible experience (atleast for me), and we've definitely learned to budget our money a little better. Hopefully some of those habits will stick. It definitely feels better to know there will be a paycheck coming sometime this month. (Yay!)

Life has been up and down with the new baby. He is so cute, which helps. He actually has been pretty colicky the last month. I haven't gotten very much of anything done. I'm a person that likes to do a lot with my time, so it's pretty hard to look at my "todo" list and not cross off anything.

I've read a couple books though, which I don't normally do, but since that's something I can more easily pick up and put down... I read the biography of Phil Vischer. It's called "Me, Myself, and Bob". It was very inspiring. Phil Vischer is the creator of "VeggieTales". He had a very religeous background, and his dream was to create a media that families could trust. He writes in his book about all his successes. He almost became another Walt Disney (one of my heroes!) before the crushing end, and he lost everything. He lost his company, went bankrupt, and had to start completely over from scratch. His book is not depressing though. He writes about what he learned from the experience. I was crying at the end of the book as he wrote about how he had to let go of "his" dream. All along he felt like God had given him this "calling", but he was trying to do it all "Phil's" way. Now he is letting God lead him wherever he should go. He's the instrument, and God is the one playing. I love that analogy. He's starting over, and I believe he is a lot more inspirational now than he ever was with "Veggie Tales". (I never cried through a veggie tales movie!)

After listening to General Conference (which was wonderful), and reading that book, I've been thinking a lot about what my "calling" might be. Obviously, I'm supposed to be a mother, but I'm hoping to be able to share my music as well. There's a lot I'd like to do. If I didn't have children and a family, I would probably be pretty busy right now.... but I wouldn't be as happy.

Someday I'll have more time to put into it. I actually get quite a bit done in the moments here and there between diaper changes, and my bedtime. The Lord has blessed me to do that, and it makes me happy. When I get comments from my website, it just brightens my day, so that when I don't have anything to cross off on my list of "todos", atleast I touched someone with my music.

So, I guess this is just a reminder to myself, to slow down, and enjoy the moment.

Unemployment and Blessings

My husband was laid off from his job way back in November of 2008. He wasn't very upset about it at the beginning, since he had worked at his job for a really long time (15 years) and was looking for a change, but with the economy and the stress of supporting the family, it's been getting more stressful for him. I think he would call the last five months some of the hardest he's ever been through.

We haven't had it as bad as many people do. In fact, we've actually been blessed quite a bit. For one thing, he got a really nice severance pay since he'd been working for the company for so long, that has really helped me not to be stressed out about it.

The second thing, is that we've had so many things go right. If I compared the last 5 months to the 5 months before that, as far as spending emergencies go, (car repairs, home maintenance repairs, general necessities and emergency needs) they have all been amazingly minimal. In fact, a few months ago, our dishwasher stopped working and my husband tried to fix it. Usually when my husband tries to fix something, it usually ends up being a huge frustration, and we end up paying even more money to fix the problem. I was a little wary when he wanted to try to fix the dishwasher (I've hated this dishwasher, and would really just like to get a new one instead), but this time, my husband called the company, figured out what part was wrong, ordered the part ($10) and was actually able to install it himself! It was truly a miracle.

I like to notice miracles in my life, and this week was no exception. My baby was going to be blessed soon in church, and I didn't have a blessing outfit for him. I checked "Kid to Kid", and some thrift stores, but I couldn't find one, and I didn't want to spend the money to buy a new one. I decided that I could just make him one instead. I actually use to make kid clothes, when I only had one child, so I actually found a newborn pattern I could use for it. I wasn't sure if I had any white material I could use, but looking through my fabric scraps, I found a small piece of plain white cotton material, just barely enough to fit the pattern!

I did have to go buy some white thread because I didn't have any, and I looked for some snap tape for the legs, but Walmart didn't have any. I started making the outfit, and then today I was almost done with the outfit, and still needed the snap tape. I thought I might be able to reuse some snap tape from one of Tyler's other outfits, but I guess most commercial outfits don't use snap tape, just individual snaps, so I wasn't able to find any.

I decided I'd look one more place, and checked all my old sewing bins and craft buckets. In the very last bin that I looked in, I found a scrap cut off piece of snap tape EXACTLY the right size that I needed. Another miracle! I was so happy. I sewed in the snap tape, and the outfit is perfect. I'm so glad I made it. The cost to make it was $2 (for the thread). Of course now the outfit is actually priceless, as it can be an heirloom, and is much more special to me than any outfit I could have bought or borrowed from someone.

Tyler's been pretty fussy lately. I think he has a bit of colick, but thankfully everything else is going well. Occasionally I'm getting a good night's sleep (a 4 hour stretch!) I've actually written 2 more songs in the last couple of weeks. I'll post one of them very soon.

Hope all is well with all of you, Blog again soon,

Lindy

Brother Nawroz

Last Sunday I received an email from someone I came in contact with through my website many years ago. The subject header said, "wish come true". I was overjoyed to get this email. It had the wonderful news that my friend, Nawroz, had become a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It has been quite a journey for him, and I'm so grateful that I got to play a part in it. For those that are interested, I have Nawroz' permission and I would love to share the story with you. It's a little long, so read it when you have a chance to relax! =)

I came in contact with Nawroz about 7 years ago. I had just barely started my website, and only had a few piano songs available to download. I received my first email from Nawroz just a couple of months after 9-11 (2001). I don't remember much about the email, I think he wrote to tell me that he liked my music, but I did remember that he was from Iraq. I was a little concerned that maybe he was a terrorist, so I was cautious in my response, but he hadn't asked for money, and he seemed very kind. I didn't expect to hear from him again, but maybe a year later, he wrote another email. This time he wrote to tell me that he had arranged many of my songs for orchestra, and that they were to be performed there in Iraq. He sent me many midi files of the arranged music. I was amazed and surprised as well as very impressed with his talents. This was one of the first times I wished I could have been there, I would very much have liked to attend the concert of my music being played by a live orchestra, in Iraq!

Throughout the next few years, I heard off and on from Nawroz. I've always liked getting emails from Nawroz. It is really a neat thing to have contact with someone that lives on the other side of the world. It was also interesting to hear from someone on the other side of the war in Iraq. Nawroz wanted to compose. He wanted to have an education. Many of the freedoms that I take for granted everyday, he yearned for. When the elections began, there were times Nawroz told me that he feared for his life. He didn't tell me many of the details, but I could tell that things were rough for him, and I was grateful that my music helped him to feel some peace in the world.

I didn't hear from Nawroz for a couple of years before I received an email from him a few months ago (in November). Nawroz again, wrote in his broken English of some of his hardships. One line from his email began,

"It is Christmas for everyone but for me it is loneliness and sorrow your music is my only way to prevent me from falling...."

He also wrote, that he definitely had no doubt that I was S T R O N G (put in capitals WITH the spaces). He had attached a couple more arrangements of my music that he'd arranged, and told me that they were arrangements from a great composer.

My heart immediately went out to him. I felt such sadness that things were so hard for him. I also worried that he thought too highly of me and my music. I appreciated his adoration and arrangements that he had done, but it was too much. I wrote back to Nawroz telling him of my faith in God. I told him that this was where my strength came from and that the only way I have been able to find balance is with God helping me every step of the way. I told him I'd pray for him and that I hoped things would get better. I told him that he could also find joy, through Christ, that He was the way.

After this email, Nawroz opened up to me. He told me much more about his situation and story. Nawroz taught piano in Iraq. Because of the Islamic tradition, women are required to wear a scarf to cover their heads. Nawroz asked them to remove the scarf from just their ears, so that they could hear the music while they played. Because of this, Nawroz and his wife (who was also involved in some of the women's right's groups there) became a target from some extremist religious groups. His mother was attacked and hurt because of him, there home, computers and everything were destroyed, and they were forced to flee to Turkey and then to Sweden to avoid being killed. At that time, Nawroz was afraid that they would deport him back to Iraq. He was sure that if he had to return there, he would be killed within hours of his return. Truly I could see how desperate his situation was, but what made my heart ache even more for him, was what he closed his email with (in his words),

"my dream when I was a child was to change my religion to Christianity. I believe that Jesus is the only and the best prophet in mankind history and I believe in him strongly that why I care so much about your music ms.kerby that was my story do you know what I can do now ???"

I have never before quite appreciated the gospel as much as I did at that moment. It must be so difficult not to even be ABLE to learn about Christ. I wrote back,

"Nawroz,

I feel so sorry for your situation. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I forget how blessed we are to have the freedoms that we enjoy here. I hope someday that you can come to the United States (if that is your desire), and have those same freedoms.

You wrote about having a dream to become a Christian. I know that is possible. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. If you wanted me to, I could arrange to have missionaries come and visit with you and your wife there in Sweden. They would be able to share with you much of the knowledge that I enjoy as a member of this church. I know this church to be true, and believe it with all my heart. Jesus Christ is the head of this church and I know that the missionary's message would bring you much peace, comfort and joy, even in your desperate situation.

Nawroz, thank you for your trust, your friendship and your music. I will pray for you that you will find happiness, and the peace for which you are seeking.

Sincerely,
Lindy Kerby"

Nawroz was thrilled to think that maybe his dream could come true, but at the same time, the Swedish government was asking Nawroz to leave within the next month and a half. Nawroz was desperate to find some way to leave Sweden without getting deported. The end of his email brought me to tears as he wrote (again in his words),

"any way they great news for me is just when I hear or I read greatest word (Jesus) that is my only hope (through you) please do that as soon as possible and if there is something like visa or anything make possible from prevent me going back to Iraq please please do it now because I don’t have time …………..I don’t know how to thank you my wife crying now when I read your letter ….god bless you don’t know how much hope you give us …… Nawroz"

At that point, I felt like I needed to find some way to get him to an Embassy or something, but after calling around for options, it didn't seem that we could help very much from here. I did call the missionaries (a couple times) and put in several referrals to the missionaries so that they could come visit with Nawroz. He was overjoyed, and waited by the phone for the next few days for the missionaries to call. They didn't call for a whole week, and by then Nawroz was very disappointed. I tried to locate a meetinghouse in Sweden that Nawroz could maybe go to. The closest building was 5 hours away, in a different country, or 9 hours away was the next closest building! I again could not believe how much I take for granted living in the United States, with the freedoms that we have, and the fact that right now I live in Utah, where my church building is within walking distance of my house! After I gave Nawroz the phone numbers that I found, and addresses of these distant buildings, I received one more email from Nawroz. He wrote,

"I have called those numbers but they didn’t answers ... I told you before that for me this is at little difficult but if you contact them it will be easier. Here ... there is thousand of churches, why I should go so [far away]? And time run away"

It was an interesting question. He was looking to become a Christian, why should he go to some distant church, when there were thousands of churches there? I started to think that ANY christian church would be better than none, but I really wanted him to hear the missionaaries and gain the same testimony that I have.

That Sunday, I bore my testimony and asked the members of our ward to fast for Nawroz. I prayed that the missionaries would come and be able to contact him. That evening, I received one more email from Nawroz. It said,

"Tonight they called me and I will meet him at the city library on Thursday at 3-30 so wish me luck "

Over the next few weeks, Nawroz told me about getting the Book of Mormon. He told me about the first time he went to church. He played the piano and they were very impressed. At first they thought it was a CD playing, but it was him! They asked him to play a musical number for their next Sunday meeting. A nice family there took Nawroz and his family under their wing, and Nawroz called them his "angels". He told me that this family was helping him with the government, and that things were going to work out. Nothing made me happier though when he wrote,

"... I knew that the church and the Mormon book are true and Joseph Smith is the true prophet of god..."

Nawroz was baptized on February 28th. He told me that my music was playing while they changed clothes. That made me feel so happy. I couldn't be there to watch that wonderful moment, but atleast I was there in spirit.

His last email told me I could call him Brother Nawroz, and that he would call me Sister Kerby. This was just a really neat experience for me, and I wanted to share. I hope it inspires someone to bear their testimony and share this great gospel with someone that doesn't know about it yet. And if you're reading this, wondering how to find out more, please send me an email, or visit www.mormons.org

6 week check

Today was my post 6 week check up. It shouldn't have been a big deal, so I left the baby with my 2 oldest that were staying home sick today. My husband was also home in case they needed help with anything. It ended up that my doctor had an appointment that morning that lasted a whole hour! It was someone's very first appointment for a pregnancy, and she had brought in a list of 40 (or more) questions that she had written out for the doctor. Questions like, "How do you feel about forceps?", etc. I just can't believe my doctor gave her the entire hour to answer her questions. She's a nice doctor.

Unfortunately, I was waiting in the waiting room for almost the whole hour. About 45 minutes into my wait, my kids called me, telling me that the baby was crying and they didn't know what to do. My husband had to leave in a few minutes for an assignment, and she didn't know if she could handle him until I returned. It's lucky that I live nearby the doctor, and I had my husband drop off the baby on his way. It worked out, except that he cried while the doctor was checking me, and my husband forgot to bring a diaper bag, socks, a jacket, or anything else for the baby. I found it all very funny. Thankfully, I was taken back into the office just after we did the hand off, and was done within 5 minutes. Isn't that how it is?!