While we were looking for something to buy at Smith’s, my son kept seeing toy cars he wanted on the ends of the aisles. It was hard to keep him from just grabbing one and taking it. I settled on a dollar’s worth of jelly belly’s, and I was ready to go. Unfortunately, my son had discovered a whole aisle of toys, and couldn’t be convinced to leave all of the toy guns, cars, and other knick knacks that were on display there.

I tried to tell him that we hadn’t bought those things, and that he couldn’t play with them, besides, they were in boxes and I knew he’d have more fun at McDonald’s. I tried to explain that this was just supposed to be a quick stop and that he had to trust me. He looked back at the cool box with the toy nerf gun in it, and pretended to shoot with it one more time.  ”There’s a slide” I said, “Trust me, I know you’ll love it!”

Finally I coaxed him back into the stroller and we were on our way. As I watched him squeal in delight as he went up and down the slide, I couldn’t help but think of how Heavenly Father is up there, seeing us all so distracted by the world. All He can do is give us a hint of what is coming next and tell us to trust in Him. He knows what will bring us happiness. I wondered to myself, what worldly things have distracted me? How have distractions kept me from being able to get more clear direction in my life?

These last few months, I’ve put down some of those distractions and I’ve been able to get more clear direction about what I should be doing. It feels wonderful! I feel blessed and happy to let the Lord guide me in this new direction. It’s come from a long walk that has led me down some dark tunnels, but I’m starting to see the light, and the place I’m arriving at is a place of peace and rest. I do trust God, and I know He ultimately does knows what will bring us the most joy and happiness.

I told them to go outside and play, hoping maybe out there they could find something to do, but unfortunately I had to go outside again and help them out. We have a little playhouse that we built for the kids several years ago that has not seen much use except for the tire swing that was hanging over a muddy ground. The other boy didn’t want to get mud on his flip-flops, and so I tried to get them to play on the other side of the playhouse.

I remembered this little friend telling me about several “wild animals” that lived in his backyard. I suggested that maybe they could come play in our backyard.

What happened next, was amazing. My son and I were taken on an adventure. All of the sudden there were T-rex’s, and polar bears. There were sharks, and penguins. This little boy could see snakes and monkeys. He started running away from lions that were chasing him. He told my son to hide because they were going to get him. My son looked at me curiously, was there something to be scared of? He looked around. I tried to encourage him. I told him to “pretend” and to run from the lions.  He became a little more brave. The boys started to run into the middle of the yard and “fight” against the animals. Though I could tell the game was new and different than anything he’d ever done before, I could tell this was so good for my son.

All of the sudden, I forgot about everything that I had to “do”. I got caught up in this imaginative place- a place where I use to play. My sister and I would pretend our bunk beds were pirate ships and we couldn’t touch the ground (water). We played house and pretended that there were tiny little people living in my backyard.

My older kids were not into imaginative play. I had invested in dolls, kitchen sets, and play houses, but to no avail. With the exception of play horses, my kids were not interested. They were interested in movies, computer games, and technology. Creative play- what was that?

Watching this little boy pretend today, it brought back a little piece of my creative life from my childhood, a place that had been a big part of my life growing up and which I had wanted to share with my children. Why had I forgotten?

The little boy did not want to go home. I told him that I hoped he would come again soon. I would love for my little ones to maybe learn this lost art of creative playing. I talked him into going home by pretending it was an expedition into the Jungle. When we got to his house, he showed us where he kept the monkeys, the giraffes and the rhinos. I don’t think his Grandpa was very thrilled with my obvious indulgence in his grandson’s creative world, but I was sure thankful. Thank you my friend, for showing me that it does still exist.

Today I was reading a blog by Cherie Call. Cherie is one of those people that has inspired me. I went to school with Cherie. We were in the same songwriting class at BYU. I still remember listening to the first song she ever played in our class- it was about spaghetti. I loved her folksy voice and guitar style and her lyrics were carefully constructed and well-thought out. I wished I could write lyrics like that.

I was already a mother when I took the class. It was a little hard to see many of the single friends in that class making plans and getting together on weekends. I wished that I could be single again. I remember feeling sad that part of my life was over.

A few years later, I discovered Cherie Call had made 2 CD’s! They were being sold at Deseret Book stores, and I was impressed, and yes, quite envious, of her success. If only I was still single, if I could put more time into songwriting, then maybe I would have a CD as well… I couldn’t help it. Marriage and motherhood had been difficult, and Cherie seemed to be living my dream!

This changed for me, when I got to know Cherie’s music. I have been deeply touched by much of her music. Cherie was single for quite a while after that class- and her songs reflected that. She wrote about turning to Heavenly Father for comfort, for someone to give her flowers when she was always the bridesmaid and never the bride. She inspired me, and I’m sure many others struggling with similar issues.

As I’ve changed a lot in the last year, I’ve started recognizing more the blessing it is that I was married early, and that I’ve been able to have a family. I wrote most of my early songs when I had three children at home. I was busy as a mom, and I needed to be home for them, but I also learned that there were lots of moments in the day, if I didn’t watch television or have other distractions, I could compose and play the piano. This has became the pattern for my life, and I’ve been able to fit in other projects as well as a website that has helped fulfill my desires to be creative and share my talents. I have discovered a new “dream”- it’s the one I’m living right now.

This morning I read Cherie’s blog. She is now a wife and is a mother of three young children. Her recent songs have been about being a mother and how happy she is to be one. She made the announcement that she is going to transition more to being a stay-at-home songwriter, at least for this season of her life. For some reason, it hit home to me. I have been so blessed to be one of those!

Cherie, again you inspire me! Your life has been a wonderful example of taking what’s hard in life, and turning it into something beautiful and uplifting. I’m sure the songs that you write will continue to uplift and inspire! Thank you for your post this morning.

p.s. To anyone else, if you don’t know who Cherie Call is, visit her website and listen to some of the songs from her new CD – “Grace“. These songs are wonderful!)

I use to make Easter dresses for my girls each year. That was of course when I had one, and then two, and finally when I had three girls! After that, I kind of stopped for awhile. It was just too much work!

This year, as Easter approached, I wanted to get the girls all dresses again. I went to several dress stores looking for dresses. I was discouraged by the many immodest, and sleeveless dresses available. The dresses I did see, had logos on them, or seemed too “casual” for church, and the nicer ones, I just didn’t want to spend that much money for.

I decided to again sew dresses for the girls. An easy skirt pattern, I thought, might be the answer to getting them all done. I took my two younger girls to pick patterns that they liked, and they both ended up wanting full dresses. I hoped it would be okay- maybe if the older ones helped with the skirts?….

As our Spring Break approached, I told my kids that we were going to have a girls “sewing party”! I talked it up, about how great it would be to help me cut and sew patterns. I put aside all my other projects, and decided to dedicate myself to this new project.

It ended up being a huge success. My oldest cut out and sewed almost her entire skirt herself. She had a hard time visualizing what it would look like when it was done, but loved it as it came together. We had given our second oldest daughter, a sewing machine for Christmas two years ago, and she was also able to do most of the sewing part herself too. Just having these two help so much, made the whole project possible.

The other two dresses were a little more difficult. They had picked patterns that were meant for adult sizes (8-16) and I had to adjust them down to size 12 and 14 in kid sizes! That was a little tricky, but it turned out okay. The funniest part of the whole project was with my third daughter. I thought she might like doing a little bit of the sewing part on her dress, so I pinned both side seams for her to stitch. I got the machine all ready for her, and told her to stitch one of the seams down. I had planned to reposition the material for her after that first seam so that she could then do the second side seam. Going ahead of me, she decided to do them both- first stitching down the first seam, sewing across the bottom, and coming back up the other side!!! I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time! She was a really good sport and actually took out all the extra stitches. Her dress is my favorite- the long yellow one. I did quite a bit of adjusting on the top- but it looks unique and beautiful and elegant, and she LOVES it!

The very best part of the weekend was when one of my daughters told me that this was the best Spring Vacation ever!!! All of the girls loved their dresses, and thanked me many times for my efforts in helping them to sew them. Again, like potty training, it took all of my undivided time and attention, but again, I found that I was not unrewarded for my efforts.

This Easter, as I’ve contemplated how a new dress symbolizes new life and a new birth, I’ve thought of the sacrifice that our Savior performed for me and for all of God’s children. He didn’t come to the earth to just sacrifice SOME of his time for them, He gave up ALL of His time, serving, teaching and ultimately giving His life so that we could be clean enough to live with our Heavenly Father again.

I’m so grateful for this gift. It’s hard for me to give up ALL of my time for the benefit of my children, but the times I’ve done it, I’ve always been rewarded with good experiences, good memories, and ultimately feeling like I’ve been a “good” mom. Why is it so hard to do this more often?! I don’t know- probably because I’m not perfect yet!

Easter dresses. Yay, they’re done! =) Happy Easter!

This last week as I’ve looked over the song, I’ve been reminded of the life journey I’ve been taking to get to where I am right now. At the time I wrote the song, my testimony was just beginning to bud, and I had only written 2 or three songs with lyrics. The few that I had written were mostly pieced together with other people’s words, as I felt that my own words were inadequate, and stupid sounding. I knew that I needed to write my own words, but I had a lot of fear, and didn’t know if I would ever be able to write anything of worth.

I had received encouragement in a blessing that I needed to develop my talents, and so I prayed that I would be able to get better at writing. I asked Heavenly Father to give me an opportunity to write a song. I remember being pretty surprised, when an inspired Relief Society president asked me if I would be willing to sing for Relief Society that next Sunday. She asked if I could sing something based on the scripture from Moroni 7:19.

“Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the ^alight of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a ^bchild of Christ.”

I immediately felt that Heavenly Father was giving me this opportunity, and with more than a little trepidation, I got to work!

I found that writing a song with a specific reason and purpose, was a lot easier than songs I had tried to write “just to write a song”. I felt the Lord inspire me, and help me with the words. As I read through the words now, I can sense the beginnings of my testimony. It is not a strong song, many of the words could be improved upon, but it shows a lot of where I was at the time. I finished the song, as is, within the week, and performed it that Sunday. I didn’t tell anyone that I wrote it. I was still to insecure.

Now twelve years later, I am so grateful for my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It is so much stronger than it was then. I have been changed, and I have no disposition to do evil. I truly desire to live the message of this song. This week, I’ve changed a lot of the words. I’m writing it from my own testimony. I will update my site with the new version soon! I will display it proudly. I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ! Living the gospel and choosing to lay hold upon all good things, brings the greatest blessings imaginable!

I hope everyone is enjoying General Conference! I sure am!

While I was pregnant with my first, I spent my time sewing quilts, making baby clothes, and dreaming of how life would be, with me as a perfect mother. I felt very experienced as the oldest of 10 (11 now) brothers and sisters, and I babysat regularly for several families with “difficult” children. I planned to have 3 children, and like I said, be the perfect mother.

Of course, Heavenly Father knew I needed to be humbled, and sent me my first baby. She was the most beautiful baby girl. She was also the most colicky baby I’ve ever met. When I asked my mother how to help my sweet child, she said, “I don’t know, none of my kids were colicky!”

Since then, I’ve been humbled regularly with other unique family challenges- mental illnesses, a larger family than I had initially planned on (7 and counting), a son with a congenital heart defect, allergies, etc. Each challenge leaves me totally feeling dependent on a loving Heavenly Father to whom I have to turn to regularly for advice and help in raising His precious children. I am quick to say, I don’t always know what to do, and I’m also quick to say– I am not the perfect mother! But I’m trying to be, and I think I’ve done okay with the challenges I’ve been given.

Last month, I was working with my just-turned-3 year old, trying to get him potty trained. He was getting very consistent with #1, but seemed deathly afraid of doing #2 in the potty. Every day, I would find him hiding behind a chair, or hiding in a closet where he would do his duty, and then I was left with the cleanup (I tried to say that as nicely as I could!) At any rate, after 2 months of this, and my frustration level was at it’s very highest, I started scouring the Internet for ideas of how I could help my son overcome this fear.

I actually became even more scared as I read about people with disorders, still to this day, who never overcame this fear. One of the things that I had read talked about how the worst thing you could do for this child, is to yell and get mad, as they start to feel that “they” are bad. It becomes their own mentality and they label themselves as “bad” and that they “can’t do it”. Of course the last month played out in my head, of all those times I’d gotten mad, yelled at him, and got pretty upset.

After trying to get ideas from anyone I could, a good friend suggested I fast and pray about it. I did. I knew I had tried everything I could, it was time to turn to his Heavenly Father, after all, he’s God’s son too.

After praying about it, the feeling I had, was of how blessed I was to be a stay-at-home mom. It gave me the idea, that since I’m home with him each day, I could watch him, around the clock. For the last month, if I even turned my head for a second, that was when he would do his duty… I had been trying to watch him, but not every second.

For the next 4 days, I dedicated my life to watching this poor, sweet child. I watched him every second of the day. If I had to go to the bathroom, and no one was with me, he came too. It became a full time, round-the-clock job. I don’t know when I have worked harder, or been so exhausted at the end of the day. I had all my other children on alert too, so that I could call on them at any time to find him- and find him fast if he disappeared.

I was going to go into graphic detail of the next 4 days, but I won’t. Suffice it to say, it worked. I still had to watch him regularly for 2 weeks after that, but he’s all trained now. He’s actually pretty proud of himself. You should have seen him after the second time, dancing in his room singing, “I’m a big boy now!”

The treats I’ve had in my closet have run out, and he’s still going. I’m so proud of him. It’s amazing to me how excited I can be about something like this! But I also recognize that there was no way this could happen if I couldn’t have been with him around the clock. What a blessing it is that I could do that!

Being a mother is definitely not a picnic. I have to deal with potty training, and cleaning up a whole lot of stuff you really don’t want to hear about– but it is definitely one of THE most rewarding jobs I could ever have.

I love being a mother!

Because of this, and because I really do like having complete control (Yes, I am a control freak!), I’ve been redesigning and reprogramming my entire website. There were a lot of things I liked about wordpress, and I’ve tried to carry some of those ideas across, but some links won’t work, and people may have to update their rss feeds. I like it better though!

Redesigning my website always makes me think about how I first started and how I didn’t know anything about designing a website.  I’ve had to learn everything from scratch! I decided to make a video about the inspiration behind my website, and how it got started. You can watch it on my last post, or watch it on youtube at this link.

In case your feeds don’t work, I just wanted to let you know that I will be adding at least 2 new songs to my website tomorrow- “Go Forth With Faith”, and a spanish version of “We Believe”.  I’ve had them done for a few weeks now, but I’ve just been waiting to get all this designing stuff done first! Good thing I love it! =)

Watch this video on YouTube.

Because the kids were so young, and most of them didn’t know anything about the basics of music, I did this first class as an introduction to music and notes and rhythm. Most kids don’t mind a little bit of theory, as long as it’s presented in a fun way. Trying to get them  excited, we also played some music games, and helped them participate in writing their very first songs!

With the kids permission, I also filmed the class, thinking it would be a fun addition to my video library. Hopefully others may enjoy the class as well. This is the abbreviated version! Enjoy!

Watch this video on YouTube.

Watch this video on YouTube.

It’s a music video of a song that I wrote several times over the last 10 years. It was an ideal one to start out with because I had already played around with an accompaniment for it. I started writing it a long time ago, and it’s evolved many times into something different. It was even one of the songs that made it into my musical- the first time it was performed. Since then, I’ve rewritten the musical (without it) but I feel like it’s been given new life now!

It has a great message- one that I have to continually remember over and over again- but so much of life and about being a mother is how we look at things. It’s important to enjoy them all, and so much of it is a decision and a choice!

I also had a lot of fun dressing up and re learning how to do a bunch of things– it was quite a little bit of work. I hope you’ll enjoy it – and share it! =)