It’s always a little scary to do something new, but when it’s something you’ve been dreaming about and wanting for most of your life… I think it’s okay to be a little scared – as long as you still do what you’ve been dreaming about all along.
It’s been amazing to me all the things that have happened that are making this dream possible. Some of the things I’ve experienced have not exactly been positive – like getting divorced, having my kids be away from me every other week, having to leave the fruits of my home, having my parents gone on a mission while all of this was happening, having seizures, and not being able to drive, dealing with the court system and worrying about money, trying to find and keep jobs, when all I really want was to be able to stay home with my children. There’s been so many hard challenges and things that that have happened that you would wonder how anything good could ever come out of it.
At the same time, I’ve had so many blessings and help from people than I ever could have possibly imagined. God has been working through others to help take care of me, send me love and offer assistance in so many ways that I have needed. Neighbors have kindly given me a home in their basement to live in. They have become my parents, while mine have been away and I will forever be indebted to them! Church members have cared for me and offered me rides and assistance when I was having my seizures and couldn’t take care of myself. So much love was offered when I couldn’t drive and needed so much help from others. My parents were able to Skype with me and help me emotionally as I needed them. My son has been well and happy on his mission. I’m building back trust with my children after a divorce, and things are starting to get a little better. I was given scholarships that allowed me to meet amazing people and receive mentoring that has helped me rediscover who I am. God has been taking care of me financially through jobs and others that he has brought me into contact with. I am making friends with other singles and know there is still hope of future happiness. The greatest blessing is that God is whispering that it’s okay to start sharing my music. It’s finally becoming that “season”.
I remember feeling the call to share my music earlier, but the whispering I kept getting from the spirit was that it wasn’t time yet. I needed to keep my focus on my children. It was frustrating then, I thought I could do both. How grateful I am that I listened and waited. With everything I experienced in the court system, it’s very possible that I might have lost custody of my children had I ignored the prompting. No one can dispute the fact that I was a vigilant, loving mother. My children have always been my priority, and they will continue to be.
I shared my “Beauty Queen” song on a live video on my Facebook page. People liked it and it gave me some courage that it would be okay to start sharing. I feel God’s hand directing my path. He’s got some plan for me, though I’m not exactly sure what it is yet. I was talking with some of my singer/songwriter friends that I used to perform with when my children were very young. We are all in the same type of place, feeling the call to share our music.
We’ve decided to start an inspirational music podcast. We’re going to do it on Facebook live. I’m so excited about it. I’ve always loved performing and sharing the stories behind my songs. It’s even more fun to do it with friends. I think people will like it.
I’d love to invite you to watch it on Facebook. Our first event is Sunday, February 5th. You can watch it from the comfort of your own home. Here’s the link for where to find it: https://www.facebook.com/inspirationalmusicpodcast/
Thanks for being with me on this journey. I so appreciate all your support. Enjoy the music,
It’s not easy to smile when something’s making you frown,
It’s hard to see that there are blessings when the world has you down.
But if the purpose of life is that we’re s’posed to feel joy,
How are we supposed to feel it, if we’re feeling annoyed?
These are lyrics from a song I wrote in 2014 called “The Bright Side of Life”. I wrote this song for a BYU Women’s Conference to go with their theme. It was a terrific experience and I loved every minute of it.
At the time I felt a real connection to the song. I was going through hard times, and I needed to remember to smile, be happy and grateful. This song helped me keep things in perspective and helped me to remain positive.
Later, when I was dealing with the pain of divorce and rejection, the song felt almost like a mockery. How could I smile and laugh at something seriously wrong? Would I ever be able to smile and be happy again?
It’s been a little over 2 years since I wrote the song, but again, it makes me smile. I need to
laugh just a little,
cry but just a little,
shake my head from side to side and giggle, yes giggle!
If life isn’t right, you still get to decide
if you’ll look at the bright side of life
It’s there on the right side
The bright side of life!
I’m feeling happy again. We already sold our house and things are falling into place. I know God is helping me with everything he can to make things work out. I know He wants me to be happy.
I hope you’ll share this song with someone who might be able to use a little pick me up. Sometimes we just need a gentle reminder that it’s okay to cry – and it’s okay to laugh. It’s okay to look at the bright side of life.
Today I was cutting back my grapes. I had branches running up the side of my house and extending all over the walls. I couldn’t believe they had thrived so much after being cut back so severely earlier in the year. It was only a couple branches that I had to redirect, but I knew next year I would have fruit like crazy and it would all be perfectly centered all over my grape arbor, where it had been a problem before.
I only cut one growing clump of grapes. Other than that, I really didn’t even hurt the growing plant. Next year it would thrive. I couldn’t help but see the analogy in how much God has been doing something similar with me.
These last two years or so have been pretty hard. It’s felt like I’ve been cut back hard – too hard. How was a stay-at-home mother of 7 children all of the sudden expected to be able to provide and support her family, take care of her children, the house and everything else on a minuscule allowance that was making it impossible to be home with her children? It didn’t seem possible.
I still don’t know how everything will work out, but I know that God has been redirecting branches, making room for fruit, and figuring out ways I can thrive. He really hasn’t cut off too many pieces of growing fruit. It’s all still there for growing when I finally have some time and a place. I’m looking forward to that day and time.
Divorce isn’t easy. Being a single parent is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have empathy now that I never could have understood before. I’m grateful for the learning that has come because of this. Hopefully, even though I’ll probably have to move soon, I’ll be able to enjoy the fruit that comes later on from efforts and labors. Have you ever been cut back, but then were able to thrive? I’d love to hear your story.
I have always wanted this blog to be an inspirational blog, and I still hope it will be, but for the time being, it is also going to have to be my brain for a while, helping me to keep track of things while I can’t remember what’s going on as well.
For some reason, I have been experiencing seizures. The first ones happened over a year ago, and now, I have just experienced another one this last Friday. It’s harder for me to remember what’s going on right now and I can’t drive for the next three months!
This isn’t the first time this has happened, but it’s the first time since I have been divorced. The last time I had seizures, I was still married, and I had my husband to help me with rides and transportation. This time I only have an ex-husband who is already re-married, and I have the kids with me every other week. I hate it. Things are not easy, but I am going to try and look at the positives.
I’m grateful that I live close to a neighborhood Walmart and the schools. I ran to the Walmart today to get some lids for apricot jelly that I was canning. It was nice that we live so close.
Apricots. That’s another thing I’m grateful for. This was the first year in like eight that our apricot tree actually produced and didn’t freeze off the fruit! We had tons of fruit this year. It’s been awesome.
I don’t know what’s going to happen, or how I’m going to survive whatever happens next, but I’m going to do my best to stay positive. Thanks everybody. Prayers welcome!