Moving Forward

Moving Forward

It’s always a little scary to do something new, but when it’s something you’ve been dreaming about and wanting for most of your life…  I think it’s okay to be a little scared – as long as you still do what you’ve been dreaming about all along.

It’s been amazing to me all the things that have happened that are making this dream possible. Some of the things I’ve experienced have not exactly been positive – like getting divorced, having my kids be away from me every other week, having to leave the fruits of my home, having my parents gone on a mission while all of this was happening, having seizures, and not being able to drive, dealing with the court system and worrying about money, trying to find and keep jobs, when all I really want was to be able to stay home with my children. There’s been so many hard challenges and things that that have happened that you would wonder how anything good could ever come out of it.

At the same time, I’ve had so many blessings and help from people than I ever could have possibly imagined. God has been working through others to help take care of me, send me love and offer assistance in so many ways that I have needed. Neighbors have kindly given me a home in their basement to live in. They have become my parents, while mine have been away and I will forever be indebted to them! Church members have cared for me and offered me rides and assistance when I was having my seizures and couldn’t take care of myself. So much love was offered when I couldn’t drive and needed so much help from others. My parents were able to Skype with me and help me emotionally as I needed them. My son has been well and happy on his mission. I’m building back trust with my children after a divorce, and things are starting to get a little better. I was given scholarships that allowed me to meet amazing people and receive mentoring that has helped me rediscover who I am. God has been taking care of me financially through jobs and others that he has brought me into contact with. I am making friends with other singles and know there is still hope of future happiness. The greatest blessing is that God is whispering that it’s okay to start sharing my music. It’s finally becoming that “season”.

I remember feeling the call to share my music earlier, but the whispering I kept getting from the spirit was that it wasn’t time yet. I needed to keep my focus on my children. It was frustrating then, I thought I could do both. How grateful I am that I listened and waited. With everything I experienced in the court system, it’s very possible that I might have lost custody of my children had I ignored the prompting. No one can dispute the fact that I was a vigilant, loving mother. My children have always been my priority, and they will continue to be.

I shared my “Beauty Queen” song on a live video on my Facebook page. People liked it and it gave me some courage that it would be okay to start sharing. I feel God’s hand directing my path. He’s got some plan for me, though I’m not exactly sure what it is yet. I was talking with some of my singer/songwriter friends that I used to perform with when my children were very young. We are all in the same type of place, feeling the call to share our music.

We’ve decided to start an inspirational music podcast. We’re going to do it on Facebook live. I’m so excited about it. I’ve always loved performing and sharing the stories behind my songs. It’s even more fun to do it with friends. I think people will like it.

I’d love to invite you to watch it on Facebook. Our first event is Sunday, February 5th. You can watch it from the comfort of your own home. Here’s the link for where to find it: https://www.facebook.com/inspirationalmusicpodcast/

Thanks for being with me on this journey. I so appreciate all your support. Enjoy the music,

Lindy

The Problem with Perfection

The Problem with Perfection

If you don't believe it's possible you'll never really try, but with belief and effort someday soon you'll start to fly

Have you ever had the experience of trying to help someone who had given up trying, deciding they couldn’t do something, or that it was impossible for them? Maybe that someone is you…

This last week, I struggled as I tried to help a child learn how to write his letters of the alphabet. He was trying to make each letter look the way he knew letters were supposed to be written – like they are typed. I tried to convince him that he wasn’t a computer and it was okay to make mistakes, but with each passing attempt, he would throw his head back and tell me how dumb he was. He just couldn’t do it. It was seriously painful to watch.

It continued as he began to color. He would get slightly out of the lines and crumple up the whole page, telling me he was a terrible colorer. It didn’t matter what I said to encourage him, he had decided there was no hope for him and he was done trying.

It made me remember when I was first starting to write music. It was so hard at first.

I wanted to be able to write music that sounded like the professionals and I wanted to make it sound like that from the very beginning – before I even knew what I was doing!

I finally gave up trying to write songs with words because it was so hard, and decided to just stick with piano music. It was easier for me, and I started writing bunches of piano songs. It was getting easier to do the music, but I still had the desire to write songs with words.

When I started my sheet music website (www.kerbymusic.org), I wanted even more to be able to write vocal songs. I tried again, but again it was so hard. I decided I needed to get other lyricists to help me and wrote several songs with other people’s words.

I was finally writing vocal songs, but it still wasn’t the same as writing my own songs. I tried again, but it was still hard. Everything I wrote seemed so dumb and I wondered if writing lyrics would ever be something I could be good at.

One thing I learned was that I couldn’t just write a song for the sake of writing one. I needed a reason to write, something I could get specific about. I tried to think of reasons I could write, but nothing was coming. I was again ready to just give up and not ever try again. That day I told Heavenly Father that if He really wanted me to write songs, He was going to have to help me. He was going to have to give me some reason to write, and until that happened, I wasn’t going to worry about it anymore.

The next day was the Sabbath and the Relief Society President caught me in the hall. She asked me if I would be willing to do a musical number for Relief Society. She told me the very specific purpose and scriptures that she wanted the song to be about but that she hadn’t found anything that quite fit the purposes of her lesson. She asked me if I had any ideas. I knew it was Heavenly Father was answering my prayer. I told her I could probably come up with something. I didn’t mention that I would try to write a song, wondering if I’d even be able to.

That week I wrote the song and it was so much easier than any of my previous attempts. I knew Heavenly Father was helping me. It wasn’t a great song, but it was a song with words. I sang it in Relief Society and afterwards one person came up and told me thank you. I think she was only trying to be polite, but her comment meant so much to me. I didn’t tell her or anyone else that I had written the song. It took me awhile before I was willing to be that vulnerable, but the blessings have been immeasurable.

I’ve been grateful for the gifts and talents God has blessed me with. I know God gives us talents and abilities, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have to work to get good at them. I’m still learning and trying to get to that place that I have in my mind. I’m not there yet, but I know I can’t get there unless I keep trying.

 

If you know someone who is struggling with self doubt or even if it’s you, tell them not to give up! Keep trying and believing and someday soon they’ll learn to fly.

 

A New Job Blessing

A New Job Blessing

I don’t know if I mentioned on my blog that I quit my job working as a special needs T.A. I loved that job, and it was a hard decision to make.  At the time, I felt good about it and thought it was the right thing to do. There were a multitude of reasons why I decided to do it – I had just had a seizure, I wouldn’t be able to drive to work, the kids were going to be on a different schedule then me, and I was worried because my brain was forgetting things, and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to remember the 7th-9th grade concepts that I would need to teach the kids when school started again.

Over the last couple of weeks, and not having any kind of income besides child support and alimony, I was really getting scared, and second guessing myself on whether I had made the right decision. Why had I felt like I was supposed to quit? Was that just a really dumb thing for me to do? I didn’t have any kind of back up plan.

I started looking at other work options, but nothing was feeling good and I was really starting to feel stressed.

On Sunday, a sister at my church mentioned that there were some available job openings at the school where my children attended. The school is within walking distance of my house. The open position was also working on the same track as my kids. I applied and got the job. It’s basically the same exact position that I had before (that I loved), working with special needs kids, but it’s working at the same times my kids are at school. I’ll be able to walk there, and at an elementary level that my brain should be able to handle easier. I’m also excited for new opportunities there and even a slightly higher increase in my pay.

Basically, it’s a better job for me in every possible way.

God knew what I needed. I was definitely supposed to quit my other job so that I could get this one. I’ve been praying so hard that God would help me, why shouldn’t I trust Him that He had something all planned out like this?

Next time, I have the inspiration to do something and things get a little scary…. Hopefully, I’ll keep trusting. There’s some other areas in my life like that that I’m having to remember this for. Maybe, like for this job, it’s a matter of timing. If things like this can be so much better than I would have imagined, it seems like the best thing I could do is just keep trusting Him. Maybe things will be better than I can imagine.

She Needs You More Than Me

Since God is the only person that really knows us, and what we need, as therapists, parents, and religious leaders, we have to rely on God for our inspiration. “She Needs You More than Me” is an inspirational song written for the Salt Lake City 2013 LDS AMCAP convention. It was written for those trying to bless someone who is struggling, and knowing that God is the one who heals, as we try to be His instrument.

Lyrics:
She enters in slowly, a little bit shy
I can tell there’s so much pain and sadness inside
But I have a hope that an answer maybe we’ll find

She tells me her story
As tears softly flow
From the words that she’s telling me
doesn’t feel hope
And I pray for wisdom that Fatther, only you know

Cause Father, you are the one who heals and saves us
And Father, you are the love we need
May I be Thy tool
As I hope to inspire
Comfort and guide her
Lead her from me to you
For like water that leads to the sea
I know she needs you more than me

We think of some things that this week she could try
In addressing this darkness and sadness inside
And hopefully something I’ve said
Will help with her life
But when I get home and can fall on my knees
Then I’ll pray for wisdom that only you see
And offer my imperfect hand to help her feel Thy peace

Cause Father, you are the one who heals and saves us
And Father, you are the love we need
May I be Thy tool, as I hope to inspire,
comfort and guide her
Lead her from me to you
For like water that leads to the sea
I know she needs you more-

So I’ll go right on listening for promptings and whisperings
So you can tell me what to say
And I’ll always rely on that fact you’re nearby
As our father in every way

Cause Father, you are the one who heals and saves us
And Father, you are the love we need
May I be Thy tool
As I hope to inspire, comfort and guide her
Lead her from you to me
For like water that leads to the sea
I know she needs you-
I know she needs you!
I know she needs you
more than me.

Copyright © 2013 by Lindy Kerby