This week I had to go back to court – fighting for custody of one of my sons. We also needed to work out some issues related to Child Support and finances. Never a fun thing.
It had been awhile since I was there, and a flood of emotions came back as I drove down into the parking tower and went through security. For almost two years, I was a regular attendant at the court- studying, watching, filing papers, learning the system, and learning my way as a pro se lawyer. It was a lot of work and everything was new to me.
Yesterday I felt like I was coming back to it all.
A man wearing shaggy clothes and crooked teeth got in the elevator with me and 6 others. He was obviously feeling agitated and talked sarcastically about how much he loved being there. His lawyer was trying to get him to settle down, but he kept saying how mentally ill he was. “Really, I’m crazy!” He kept saying. There’s some interesting people you meet at the courthouse.
My lawyer arrived with just 10 minutes left before our session began. He took me back to a small room, but he already seemed confident of what he was going to say. I wanted to make sure that he knew a few more details, just in case the Commissioner asked about some things, but he didn’t seem worried.
We walked into the court room. I sat in one of the back rows. Just before the Commissioner arrived, I sat at one of the two main tables in the court room. My ex-husband sat with his lawyer on the other side.
When my ex-husband’s lawyer gave his case, I reacted sharply to something I didn’t agree with. The Commissioner told me that I had a great lawyer and that he was there to represent me. She told me not to say anything and I tried to hold my peace. It was easier when I got to be my own lawyer. I had learned the system though, and I knew that having a lawyer definitely gave me a better chance of making things work out. I hoped my lawyer would remember everything I wanted him to say.
In the end, temporary physical custody was given to my ex-husband. I guess I can understand that, since he has been living with him now for almost 9 months already. I’ve missed him a lot and wished he’d come visit me. My worry was that if my ex got custody, I would never see my son again.
Thankfully, the Commissioner picked up on my concerns and also ordered that we get “Reunification Counseling” for our family. In addition to the therapy we are going to, we’ll also get some help in trying to reconnect. I’ll get to see my son at each of these sessions. It’s more than I’m getting now, so I’m actually okay with that and grateful. I’m hopeful it will help, and since the ruling is only for temporary custody, there’s always the hope that things will change, and maybe he’ll want to be with me more later.
As for child support, My ex had one way to calculate it, and my lawyer had another. The Commissioner decided to split our two ways in half. I thought that was actually pretty fair, and really can’t complain, though it would have been nice to have the extra money and help especially with all the medical bills we have from Primary Children’s.
I didn’t get everything I wanted, and neither did my ex, but it went better than it could have, and compared with all those past court appearances, it actually went well. In the past, everything always went exactly opposite the way I hoped. Every time I left, I couldn’t believe everything that had happened.
It was interesting this time, it had been a few years, and I’m a different person then I was those first times I was in the court room. It’s interesting to me that maybe because of that, I got a different outcome.
I’m grateful for how it went. Life isn’t easy, in fact it’s pretty hard sometimes, but I’m hopeful that things will continue to get better.
